I often get asked “Where did you get your confidence?” It used to annoy me that people would think being plus size automatically equates with being insecure or having a poor self image. However, there are women that are plus size and struggling to find that confidence so I wanted to share a few things that helped me along the way. Look in the mirror naked. YES I said naked. When you look in that mirror naked, instead of finding everything wrong with your body….look for the positives. Once you get comfortable looking at yourself naked….feeling sexy IN clothes will be a piece of cake. . Surround yourself with positive people. I know it sounds cliche but the plus size women that I’ve met with confidence issues mainly have friends or family that are the main reason they feel that way. Friends that always have shady comments or family that are intent on making mean or nasty comments are not the ones to surround yourself with. Be able to take constructive criticism. Not everyone is hater. If a person truly loves you they will NOT let you go out in something unflattering without giving you some constructive criticism. If you don’t care about flattering items then this is not for you. For those of us who DO try to find things that make us look and feel our best, then sometimes you may take that constructive criticism and honestly evaluate yourself. I’ve had my share of bad outfits on my journey to finding my personal style. It happens to the best of us. There is a THIN line between constructive criticism and plain out rude tho. Either TRULY accept yourself the way that you are or change it. Nobody wants to hear you constantly complaining about the things you hate about yourself. Not your mate, your friends, your siblings, or your coworkers. Everyone has bad days but becoming a permanent Debbie Downer should never be in the cards. If you hate it then change it…if not take some of that time and spend it learning to love yourself even your flaws. Barbie isn’t real and perfect people don’t exist. Work Out and Try To Make Better Food Choices. Even tho I am happy being plus size, I am not in denial about the effect it can have on your health not just now but for the long term. I encourage all plus size women to stay active…20 minutes 3 times a week is all that’s needed. Just being active and trying to eat better 70-80 percent of the time makes me feel a LOT more confident than when I consume mostly bad processed foods all the time. I love food so I eat bad stuff I just try not to do it daily. You don’t have to be trying to lose weight to workout. You are more than your face. If you look on social networks a lot of times I see plus size women that have profiles filled with hundreds of pictures. The problem is the majority of those pictures are from the neck up. Ladies you are more than your face. The rest of your body is just as gorgeous as your face. Most men (or women) can tell you are plus size anyway via social networks if it’s super hard to find any full body photos of you so put it out there. The more full body photos you take the more you will either fall in love with your entire self image or you will be that much more motivated to change it if you truly are unhappy with it. At the end of the day, remember confidence is a mind frame. It has nothing do with what size you are. If you are an insecure big girl you will be an insecure straight size girl if you lose weight. Go out live life and enjoy it NOW. You don’t have to wait to lose weight to start living. Just added to our Aspiring Plus Size Models, meet Rae Nicole Hailing from New Jersey, Rae Nicole Davis is a mental health advocate, civil servant, brand ambassador, blogger, and published model. She has been featured in publication such as Queen Size Magazine, Curvysta Magazine, Love U Magazine, and the cover of Courbee Revolucion Magazine. She has also been featured in Baltimore Fashion Week, DC Fashion Week, the District of Curves Fashion Showcase, Curves Rock Fashion Weekend, and New York Fashion Week- Harlem Fashion Week Showcase. Check out more here – Aspiring Plus size Models 11 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From Being Plus-Sized Most days I do pretty well. I feel confident, secure, and healthy. That is, until I pass a mirror, or I look into someone’s eyes, and I see judgment and shame reflected back to me. I’m a plus-sized girl living in a world that celebrates the skinny. There’s an enormous amount of pressure from the world to look, be, and act a certain way: different from what I am. Perfectionism is a silent killer. It robs us of joy, possibilities, and seeing things clearly. In my pursuit of “perfect” I’ve tried to change myself; I spent years in a skinny body, as well as decades in a chubby one. I suffered through eating disorders, all in a vain effort to fit in and to be accepted. To be seen for who I feel I am. I spent the majority of my life hating my body and being at war with food. I’ve managed to lose more than 50 pounds, gain back 60, then repeat. This has been my life. Despite my overweight body, I take care of myself. I love my life. I exercise every day, and most of the time I know I’m doing a good job. But there are days when the shame and guilt take hold. The pressure to be something I am not is enormous. The self-blame takes over and affects my actions. People treat fat people differently, as if our size is a reflection of our worth. I’ve been on both sides of the weight spectrum. It is amazing how people treat you when you are “thin.” You fit in. People don’t have to feel uncomfortable, and they celebrate your beauty. But at 50 pounds heavier, I’m ignored, hidden, bumped into, and judged. The thing about fat is it’s wrapped up with everything BUT lazy. Many overweight people try so hard. We try fit in, to be accepted, and be seen for who we really are. We all have hearts, and we all have feelings. The bodies we live are not a reflection of our self-worth, yet we fall victim to the standards of society. The overweight suffer in silence. Not only do we feel the shame cast onto us by others, but the shame that lives in our head is (for most) a constant attack on self. It’s a silent death by daylight. Even when I feel good about myself, I’m reminded by the pressure of society that I’m not good enough until I shrink four to six more dress sizes. The thing is, no matter how much self-love I feel, I actually start to believe that I’m broken because I am a chubby one. I allow the world to tell me who I am. A few months ago I made it my full-time mission to eradicate these false beliefs and truly fall in love with my body. We can spend our whole lives looking for answers outside of ourselves, or we can turn inward and feel what actually feels right in our heart What if we have it all wrong? What if the body we live in, no matter its size, is a gift? What if the way people treat us is a reflection of them, not us? What if shame and judgment is just a stand-in for lack of love? What if my body isn’t something that needs to be fixed, but the only real thing needing healing is the belief system that fat is wrong? Every time I visit my doctor, we high five in celebration of my status. I’m as fit as a fiddle and a healthy woman, he says. Yes, I’m overweight, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy or flawed on the inside. For today, I may be overweight, but that doesn’t make me less of a person. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. For the overweight and suffering, self-approval is what we seek. Love yourself, and you’ll be free. Here are essential life truths I learned from my beautiful plus size body: 1. People will only accept you when you accept yourself. 2. What others say and do is a reflection of them, not you. 3. No one can make you feel “less than” without your permission. 4. We only see what we want to see, when we are ready to see it. 5. Happiness comes from inside, not the outside. 6. The size of your body does not make you less of a person. 7. You are as beautiful as you allow yourself to feel. 8. The size of my body does not determine what you are capable of. Your heart and mind do. 9. You can never judge a persons insides by their outsides. 10. You’re bigger than your body. 11. How you feel is more important than how you look. Affordable styling ideas you should try. Cassandras’ Photography Journey I’ve grown up used to being away 4 times per year from a very young age so it came naturally that when I reached 16 years old, I wanted to travel without my parents and explore places outside Europe but it was about 1 holiday a year from then on. I was interested in photography since college and for about 5 years never knew what category of photography I wanted to pursue so I took a different career route and became a production coordinator in fashion marketing at the same time my relationship of 5 years ended and I began taking traveling more seriously and soon found that my strengths laid in Travel photography. Of course working 9 to 5 full time you are limited to on average 25 days off a year but I made the most out of it and managed to visit 8 countries in my first year and 4 in my second. As time went on in my role I became very unhappy, all I wanted to do was travel and not be behind a desk for 8 hours a day, the routine life was draining. Read the full article on our blog “Girl Talk” 5 Ways Being The ‘Fat Girl’ Has Made Me A More Confident Woman I have been the “big girl” my entire life. It’s a physical characteristic that is as descriptive as the color of my eyes or the brownness of my skin. My size, however, has come with a price. My weight has made me the center of jokes and name-calling. It has created a collection of judgment from family, friends and society as a whole. I am a target for body shamers everywhere. As a child, I would sometimes cry myself to sleep after kids on the bus made fun of the way my shirt fit or how chubby my arms were. I can list a number of situations where I have had to defend my body against people who reduced me to the size of my waistline, but I won’t. Being the “fat girl” has made me a stronger woman. It has also given me an all-access pass to understanding both the world around me and myself. I’m still learning to accept who I am regardless of size, but the knowledge I’ve gained while on my journey of self-definition has opened my eyes. Here are five important things I have learned: 1. My worth is more than my physical features. My body is a wonderland (*Cue John Mayer*), but so is my mind. Sure, I like being called beautiful and mostly everyone appreciates a compliment, but I am more than my physical appearance. Being body shamed has forced me to see my worth not only externally, but also internally. There is more to my identity than a cute face or thick thighs; I am all of that and more. 2. People will judge me. Despite how negative comments can be, people are entitled to their own opinions. People will shame me because of my weight. People will try to insult me to get a reaction. At this point in my life, I understand being judged is not a reflection of who I am as a person, but of other people’s inability to see me for more than my body. 3. Self-confidence is crucial. Sometimes I try on clothes that make my stomach look rounder or show the jiggle in my arms. However, I have learned that if I do not present a positive attitude about myself to others, then no one else will. I have to be my own cheerleader, even on my worst days. 4. Everyone deals with body image issues. There will always be someone who judges me, even if I were to lose 30 pounds tomorrow. I’ve never met anyone who is not self-conscious about something. It is not exclusive to overweight people. Sometimes it’s easier to put someone else down than it is to address the issues we have with ourselves. Being the “big girl” has helped me empathize with other people’s body struggles, even when they put me down. 5. My body is my business. I am fortunate to have people who care enough about me to be concerned about my health. I’m well aware of the science that has linked excess weight to health problems. However, my body is not a science experiment. Growing up, I was often overly concerned about what people thought of my physical appearance. I found the need to tell people about my workout plan or explain my diet to get them to stop asking health-related questions. My weight successes and failures were out in the open for anyone to judge and monitor. Over time, I learned the value of reclaiming my body. It is my business. I do not have to answer questions about how much I weigh or what size I wear. I am the person who has to live in my skin every day. Being the “fat girl” has given me a new perspective on myself and on the world in which we live in. My size does not define me. I am a brick house, and no one can knock me over. – Cherokee Hubbert (elitedaily.com) Love Yourself : Since I was a little girl, I always was a bit big. When I was seven years old I already had nicknames as”fatty”, I was called different names, I was hurt,”your fat that means your ugly” looked down upon until high school. In my junior year I started a diet , for 3 months I have put my body I an awful , deadly game just for losing weight, I had nausea, I was feeling tired couldn’t pay attention in class, I had moments when I got dizzy in public transportation to the point of blackout…because the boy I had a crush on told me he could never be with me because I wasn’t thin and he didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his pals. And I’ve succeeded, I was thin , I could wear anything…my mother was proud of me because now she wouldn’t have to always tell me : ” you just need to loose weight, your face is so pretty but your body…” And this line, I heard God knows how many times during my lifetime span! Eventually I thought, now I can be with the guy that I liked…but it didn’t happen.Why? Because he was looking only at the package, I realized that me being fat wasn’t a problem, the problem was him being superficial and judgmental. But becoming “skinny” became my obsession to the point that my friends had to tell me:” You aren’t “you” anymore”. I’ve lost the appetite for life, I wasn’t the intelligent girl anymore, I wasn’t the girl who you could have fun with, I wasn’t even funny anymore!At one point , I looked in the mirror and I’ve saw that I didn’t felt comfortable, and I was sad. It was a lesson that I learned it the hard way, I have bruised and bitter my soul just to become a shadow of what I used to be. Thinking I’m no good. Now, at 26 years old I am proud of the way I look, I am proud of being me. In university I even become popular, because I was the big ,funny, friendly girl who enjoyed life and cared not about what others think, but cared for the people close to me. For every other girl/ woman out there who might stumble upon this story and read it…Do not repeat the mistake I did. You may not be skinny, your tummy may not be flat, you may despise your body because you don’t look like the model from the catwalk, but I’m sure, heck I can even put my hand in fire for this…that you poses qualities that are so unique, that can you be the most beautiful in the whole world! Have confidence, this is all about…it’s not about being skinny or flat stomachs, it’s about accepting who you are, showing that your proud of your body no matter how it looks like. Have self-esteem and be strong and don’t be afraid to mock those who mock you! That is what men are looking for, (from my life experience) women who are confident, with self-esteem, strong and happy. The best make-up that you can wear is a smile and it’s free. Beauty indeed comes from inside and it will make you shine! For those men out there who like us big girls, a few words of advice Do tell us we’re HOT, gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, stunning, lovely, amazing, wonderful, special… you get the point. Don’t say, “You have a pretty face.” That’s the kiss of death. We’ll groan, roll our eyes and think, “I’ve heard this all my life. ONLY my face is pretty?!” No. See number one. This will also register on any fat girl’s radar that you haven’t been with many of us before. Do take us out, flaunt us, dance with us, hold our hands in public… act like a normal guy who is into his girl. Don’t say “You’re a beautiful big woman” or “I’m into fat chicks.” Really. Just see U.S. as who we are. The individual. You don’t have to qualify that we’re pretty… for a big girl. Come on. Just own it that you think we’re hot. On the “I’m into fat chicks:” We’re not a fetish. ‘Nuff said. Despite my sometimes-difficulty accepting compliments, I actually know I’m a pretty cool woman. My biggest issue — if I were to call it an issue — is my size. It could be a lot worse: I could be a mean spirited, miserable, gossipy coke head; instead, I’m fat. Original article and pictures take http://thickcurvyangels.com/ site
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